Here is a notice that appeared on various London buses in early 1988. The information it tries to convey will not go into a single, simple message. It has many aspects and complexities, which obviously overwhelmed the person writing it.
Try to restructure the notice and present it in a way that passenger can understand rather more easily.
Two possible solutions are suggested below, but do write a version of your own before looking at them.
BUS FARES FROM JANUARY 10 1988
Buses 216, 237, and 290 in Surrey
Return fares will be introduced for
journeys outside Greater London
on Bus 290, and these tickets will be
inter-available for return journeys
on route 216 between Staines and
Sunbury.
Some single fares will be increased
by up to 20p, but on Route 237 only
fares for journeys crossing the
Greater London boundry will be
Increased, and local fares within
Surrey will be unchanged.
Here now are the two possible versions of a more readable notice.
Buses 216, 237, and 290 in Surrey
NEW FARES: Single fares will rise by up
to 20p. On the 237 route, the fare
increase applies only to journeys into
or out of Greater London; fares within
Surrey remain the same.
NEW TICKETS: Buses 216 and 290 will
both sell return tickets which can be
used on either route. The tickets will
be available only for journeys outside
Greater London.
YOUR LOCAL SURREY BUS
Starting soon . . .
Bus 216 X. local Surrey fares unchanged
X. other fares rising by up to 20p
X. return tickets available if
Purchased on bus 290
Bus 237 X. Fares into and out of
Greater London rising
by up to 20p
X . other fares unchanged
Bus 290 X. local Surrey fares unchanged
X. other fares rising by up to 20p
X. return fares available outside
Greater London – these can also
be used on route 216 between
Staines and Sunbury
Effective from 10 January 1988
LOCALÂ FARESÂ UNCHANGED
Note how the two versions structure the material differently, using a distinctive basic division of the material differently, using a distinctive basic division of the material in each case.
The first version divides the subject into two main sections, New Tickets. In fact, the headings could just as well be Single Fares and Return Fares.
The second version uses a three-part classification, taking each of the three buses in turn.
The main difficulty seems to be this: there is just too much complex information to make a single snappy, eye-catching notice. The bus company should have complied three different notice, one for each route.(After all, the passengers on bus 237 do not really need the details of route 216.) The second version above would make a good basis: simply break up the information into three parts, and incorporate each part into a separate notice.
Remember, a good notice needs more than just good wording . Its needs a thoughtful layout too, and an eye-catching design – here perhaps including a witty slogan with a brightly coloured picture or appropriate diagram.
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